Buy Me A Coffee SICC

Southern Illinois Cairo Campus

This information is complemented by information on our Plano Headquarters Page.

Our Southern Illinois Cairo Campus, or SICC, is staffed by a regional-class team of researchers and bio-chemistry novices on our sizeable Cairo, Illinois campus. Our laboratories also maintain remote, non-functional relationships with the UIC Department of Pharmacology & Regenerative Medicine which keeps us on the leading edge of being able to fabricate legitimizing relationships.

Our Lab draws interns from Shawnee Community College‘s Cairo Campus, which is a symbiotic relationship that results in students gaining real-world insights on the complexities of this industry and also means employees don’t have to drive home in cold cars in the winter, and Shemwell’s Barbecue conveniently now delivers. Labs are in a climate controlled portion of our Southern Illinois Cairo Campus. Our company is proud to call Illinois home because we consider the tax burden to be hilarious. While our Lab Techs will notice a more significant portion of their checks being withheld for Illinois’ Income Tax right away, that only primes the punchline for when they get their property tax bill.

A failing pre-employment drug screen at The SICC is Marijuana: NEGATIVE. We are an aggressively pro-Marijuana employer and committed to the idea that truly groundbreaking work flows easiest from higher minded individuals. To that end, we have left our ground floor vacant in hope that our brothers and sisters at THRIVE ANNA, inconveniently located in Anna, IL, will want to open a Cairo storefront also convenient to our Lab Techs.

The decision to establish our laboratory near the confluence of the Mississippi and Ohio Rivers proved to be fortuitous for the company when an antique cylinder was discovered in the basement. For a few days, the Cairo team thought they had found an old soup can. Then, one particularly hazy, roasted-and-toasted afternoon a flooring contractor was fidgeting with the can and noticed that it could be opened from both ends. Some time on, he came to discover a stamp that reads “Schultz & Goebel WIEN.” At that point, SICC Staff decided their curious discovery was worth mentioning to the Plano Headquarters. 

The result hit the pause button on everything the company had going on. We found out that our Plano Headquarters and the empty lot that, for tax purposes, we call “Greenspace,” next to the Lab each share a unique, and previously undiscovered, history. Another connection between the properties is a testament to the shrewd business acumen of what history remembers as The Chicago Outfit.

For more, see this page we’ve create about Illinois’ Forgotten Tubes.

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